Recently a quote from the Merchant of Venice summed up my fears for the near future. In fact quotes could probably put what's on my mind better than words of my own. No that's not true. You've read my stuff if you've read this. The quote I'm on about is I think by Antonio when he's a bit melancholy over something. Now I'm not trying to say I'm melancholy, that shit I keep off the internet. I'll show you the quote and then explain.
"In sooth I know not why I am so sad, It wearies me you say it wearies you. Yet I know not how I caught it, found it or came by it, what stuff 'tis made of, whereof it is born. And such a wantwit sadness makes of me, that I have much ado to know myself" - Shakespeare.
This I feel is a possible pitfall in life that can follow not knowing who you are and what you want. There is a certain amount to be said for just going with the flow, enjoying life as it comes one day at a time. But as the mechanic said in fight club, "If you don't know what you want in life, you end up with a lot of stuff you don't". It's at the points in life such as where I now find myself, the intersections. The point where one stage finishes and a new stage has to start. Between secondary school and college, between college and the real world, these times really call for some evaluation.
Keeping an open mind and admitting that I don't have everything figured out has it's merits for me. I think it's a more honest exclamation. I see a lot of people who just followed the sensible path discontented at 25, 30, 40, 50. At 50 years of age if you've followed the sensible path and it's led you somewhere you wish you weren't you're screwed. Let's face it. I'm not saying that at 50 if I'm not loaded I'll be unhappy. Really the opposite could be true. I think for most with a few brain cells it's possible to make a mint by 50, though that could be a consuming way to live, leaving me looking back at all I hadn't done.
"Know thyself" a greek maxim inscribed on the temple of Apollo. It's meant as a warning about not getting too big for your boots. But it's always meant more to me being a person trying to figure myself out. It should be at the basis of all your big decisions. The decision about what college course to take was made largely based on influence, luckily it worked out and I ended up liking it. But that was a fluke.
Another reason for figuring out who you are and what you want being so important is summed up in another fight club quote, this time one by Marla Singer. Talking about herself in the third person Marla says: "she's afraid to commit to the wrong thing, so she never commits to anything". Without commitment great things never happen. Without committing yourself in rock climbing you never push your grade and make harder climbs. Without committing in running you'll find yourself sitting in front of the tv with a bag of doritos more often than getting out on the road for a 5 k run.
I could go through more ins and outs of the whole figuring out stuff and why it's bugging me recently but it'd go on all day. And seeing as a few of you were talking to me about earlier blogs I figured I'd put my thoughts to text, as much as a means of therapy, to try figure myself out as it is to get your ideas.
This summer I plan to do some soul searching. A month or two on my bike and the open road. I'm unsure about whether to bring my netbook so I can keep up to date with job hunting and to keep a blog or to totally unplug and delve a bit deeper with the self exploration. It's a couple of months away though. No panic.
