Finished college demotivation

From what I hear it's a common trend. You spend the last 5...4...3...2...1...point 5 months of college dying to be finished. You think of all the things you'll do with your freedom, the places you'll see. We spend 80% of  our waking lives up until this point in education, in the system, institutionalized. And in being so there's always pressure to stay in, read the book rather than going out then plan for your next essay. The end of college while you're in college seems like the end of an 18 year prison sentence, not because it's not enjoyable but because of the lack of freedom. And what am I doing now that I'm free? The same thing I'd do on a weekend during college. Playing a video game or watching dvds.

I'm not sure why I'm surprised, we tend to repeat our behaviors and it takes tremendous effort to break patterns. Today I sat down after having a pot of Macaronni and Cheese for breakfast and played 8 hours of Command and Conquer, a game I don't even think I like. Everything's on hold, life's on hold. It brings me down. Before the last exam it was on hold because I had the exams to get ready for. But now there's no excuse. My suspicion in is it's because my last exam didn't go tremendously and I won't feel complete till the results come out. Another 3 and a half weeks to go.

Semi-jokingly yesterday I asked a good friend who's 2 years graduated now 'So what now, what do we do now that we're finished?' And semi-jokingly he said 'face disappointment trying to find a job, work in a crap depressing job.' Which is what he's been doing, and he's far better qualified than I am. This on the same day we went to see the Obama rally, which in today's Ireland, has to be among the most motivating events one can experience first hand. Barack more or less echoed the words of another US president with Irish roots, Kennedy, when he said:

"And, Ireland, if anyone ever says otherwise, if anybody ever tells you that your problems are too big, or your challenges are too great, that we can’t do something, that we shouldn’t even try -- think about all that we’ve done together. Remember that whatever hardships the winter may bring, springtime is always just around the corner. And if they keep on arguing with you, just respond with a simple creed: Is féidir linn. Yes, we can. Yes, we can. Is féidir linn. "

Barack Obama, Dublin, 23 May 2011.

Having nothing to do, no real responsibility may seem like no obstacle and zero hardship. But at the same time it's no obstacle to overcome. The future possibilities at this point can seem either mediocre or impossible. I guess it's time to start setting some new goals. With a properly positive mindset you'd never tell yourself that too much time has been wasted, rather than racing from running out of time you'd be racing to your goal for the sheer want of achieving it.

This demotivation slump needs to end. It's a clear indication that a currently held mindset needs fixing. This task is not a simple one. It's not easy, but as the mana Obama says, Is féidir liom (though I thought that meant I prefer).

Anyway, 2.30 am. Bed time. Time to wake up and put a stake through this lazy daemon's heart. Goodnight.